Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
