So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
