Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
