I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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