Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
