I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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