im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
