he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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