Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
