I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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