he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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