But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
