just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
