Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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