wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
