so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
