Redeem this text for a blowjob
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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