it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Also, beer. Big fan.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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