I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
the raccoons are back...
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