just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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