Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
