then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
