Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
