So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
