I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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