Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
