I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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