So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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