It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
