just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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