I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
