I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
