My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
