I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
