I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
