We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
two words...techno handjob
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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