if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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