I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he wants to bone in the snuggie
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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