dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
