Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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