He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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