before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
They have beer where we have blood.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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