Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Boobs are out for the taking
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize