I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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