I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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