His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
