im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
