She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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