i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Say something about gay babies.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
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I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
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I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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