Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
