I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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