If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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