Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
