If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
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