I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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