This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
