just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize