Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize
