kristin has been a bad kristin
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The uberlube is also flammable
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
How does one acquire holy water?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
