I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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