I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
