this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
